Saturday, March 8, 2014

The rise, fall and resurrection of a Domestic God

The rise;
two weeks to complete 1 task.
The Wife is off to visit with her mum for two weeks and has the house cleaner scheduled for two visits. I am given instruction to open the house for her and leave $50 dollars on the kitchen table. OK dear, as you wish... we're off to the airport. on the way home I start to think that $50 is a lot of money and I can save this for beer and do the work myself. I go to the workplace of the house cleaner and tell her that the house is not so bad and lets wait until the second visit for her to come clean. She says I don't understand how big my house is and how much must be done before it can be cleaned. I also tole that I need now cleaning towels and the vacuum needs some serious attention and a belt. What!?! she's crazy and just finding excuses.... 

The fall;
four days left...
I am over loaded at work with all the bad weather and jobs falling behind. There is a rash of broken glass because the harsh weather causes people to do stupid things to clear the ice off. I start to fall behind in my domestic god duties and I have allowed 10 of the 14 days to slip away. I load the dishwasher and get if going and the clothes are sorted and ready for washing. The kitchen is clean and sorted except for the floor. The laundry is coming out to the dryer faster than I can fold it so the spare bedroom is laundry central. I have 1 day left to get the remainder of the laundry folded and put away and all the dusting and floors have yet been addressed. 16 hours until the wife arrives!!!! I put it in overdrive, I am crawling around dusting and sweeping and trying to get that damn vacuum working to pick up the crap on the floor..... laundry is almost finished and oh my goodness I need to unload the dishwasher......... I think I may have pulled it off, however I can't help but think I missed something....

The Resurrection;
8 hours until the wife is home...
I return to the workplace of the house cleaner and tell her that I have a new vacuum just like the one she has always wanted waiting for her. There are 30 new cleaning towels and all the supplies she could ever want on hand. I even bought a steam cleaner to make cleaning the sinks and toilets a breeze. I gave her a key and pass code to the house so she did not need to have someone open the house for her. I had flowers delivered to her workplace with a note that read. "I am sorry that the schedule was screwed up and there is a box of fancy chocolates with a $100 bill on top of it should she be able to come and clean before the wife arrives at 4:00 PM"......... I just received a text saying not to worry it would be done and a clean house would greet the wife upon her arrival....